Saturday, March 28, 2020

Impact of COVID-19 on my life

Physically, I am good. Healthy. But, psychologically, I don’t feel so top-notch. I am writing this to record the mental state of my being at this threatening period of our lives. I hope everything will be over soon, and this record will remind me of the fact that how beautiful our lives are and how much we take for granted: nature, mother earth, our house help, and our health. The intent of writing this is not to gain any form of sympathy. I just wanted to pen this down. Writing this will probably get me some sort of relief amidst all the panic I feel.

I am pursuing the degree of Ph.D. I had registered for one of the prominent summer schools in my area of research, which was supposed to be held in Italy. It feels so grim thinking about the situation of Italy now. The number of cases currently has crossed 80K, and the number of casualties stands over 8K. Yes, this is the situation almost all over the world now. Powerful and self-sufficient nations have knelt with their eyes to the sky for any hope from the Almighty. Just looking at the reports the media publishes, and the news channel disseminates, make my heart toss. I feel anxious and scared. Scared of the threat our nation stands at. This anxiety is of a sort like I have never felt before. So much uncertainty makes my brain fuzz. I wonder what would be the case with people who already suffer from any anxiety issues.

On 24th March, our government locked-down the entire nation for a good 21 days. When I heard it, I felt a great deal of relief. But I hardly had any idea about the consequences it will bring for my mind’s state. It’s going to be a week tomorrow from the day when I shifted from the hostel to my home. And still, I do not seem to be procuring a routine life for myself. I had a set routine in the hostel: waking up, getting some workout done, having breakfast, and then going to my lab to start with my work. It is going to take some time in my home to form and follow a routine. This is probably because all the family members have different daily routines, and when you stay at home, you want to have the meals together, you want to contribute to the household chores together, etc. However, I think all this randomness will subside, because, in the end, you have to get your work done, right?

The government is urging day and night to stay in their homes, but few people are not careful and venture out on the pretense of buying groceries, etc. If this situation continues, there might be a dreadful situation in India, and this gives me the creeps. Yes, I feel panic-stricken. Not for food, not because I do not get to go outside, but by the fear of the uncertainty. Thinking about what the next few days might bring gives me chills. I try to maintain my daily routine like before, but somehow at the end of the day, I feel I have not done enough. This makes me more anxious. And in those anxious moments, I try to remember the power of gratitude. I feel whole-heartedly grateful for my health, for a roof over my head, for my family, and for the food we are able to buy. I can not feel more respect towards the law-enforcement workers, paramedic staff, and all the essential services workers than I already do. My heart is filled with sheer love and thankfulness towards them. Being the daughter of a nurse, I can feel the pain the families must be feeling when their loved ones have to go outside to do their duties. Nevertheless, it is required, and I feel proud.

I know this time will be over. Hopefully, we will not be seeing any more deaths from today (we stand at 20), and everyone will come out of this soon. Till then, I will keep my vibes positive, and I will keep filling my heart with appreciation and gratitude for the wonderful journey that I am on.

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